fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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