I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's always time for handjobs
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
