Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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