have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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