You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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