WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
