I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
