hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
