What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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