nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
