A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
