I will die if light touches me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
