I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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