In the future we'll all be gay
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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