i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
