can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
