Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
