he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
