please come you make the beer taste better
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
