whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
