just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
