it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
