Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
