i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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