the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
