Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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