Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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