Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
