You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
