But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
