I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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