I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
