Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
