I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
