I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
