i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
