just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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