dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
