Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
