okay pat passed out under dana's car
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
