you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
