Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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