Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
