i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
