Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
