Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
