I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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