So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
