i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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