Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
