You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize