ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
