If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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