yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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