Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
