He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
