My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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