Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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