I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
