I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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